It is one of the most traumatising experiences I have ever been through. I decided I couldn’t keep trying, the thought of losing another baby just did me in. If you have to, try again but then please think about another route. I was surrounded by people and I just could not express how I felt. People look at you with sympathy, then expect you to just get over it and start again.Īfter my fourth miscarriage my husband and my mum sat me down and said, you need to stop putting yourself through this. When Mark Zuckerberg (CEO of Facebook) told the world he and his wife had miscarried, he summed it up perfectly for me. The thought of it now still upsets me, the way it made me feel, ALL the time. If I saw a pregnant woman I was just so filled with rage and jealousy, even now I can’t explain just how angry that made me. Even though I had no idea what that woman will have gone through to get pregnant - maybe it was easy, maybe not. How can I not be bothered about having kids all this time and then be so hell bent on it? Bloody hormones! I was so angry all the time my body was changing so much through getting pregnant and then losing my babies.
#PREGNANT INKLING SERIES#
A trip to hospital confirmed the dreaded truth.Īfter the third miscarriage I had a series of tests which all confirmed there was no problem and we were advised to keep trying, especially as I was 37 at this point. We cheerfully went to my mum’s at Christmas (in France), but halfway through the break, I started bleeding. The fourth pregnancy was the most promising, having a scan and seeing a heartbeat. In hindsight I should have just got in touch with someone and talked it through. A trip to doctors confirmed I was miscarrying.īecause I was only about 4 or 5 weeks into the pregnancy, I went home thinking, 'well it wasn’t real yet, I will get over it' etc. We got engaged quite quickly and stayed that way for about 5 years. We married in April 2010 and settled into our way of life.Īfter a year or so I started to think, ‘well if we are married, do we start a family? Not thinking much of it, we began to try. I got pregnant so quickly that I could barely take it in! By the time I was adjusting to the idea, I'd started spotting and having cramps. When I was 28, I met Jason and soon realised he was the one for me. All through my twenties and into my thirties, I honestly never thought about it. When my friends were having children I still never thought ‘that will be me one day’. When I was growing up I always said I didn’t want kids and I wasn’t really bothered about getting married either.
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